Saturday, August 7, 2010


So, as most of you know, my mom's been obsessed with my weight... not just recently, but throughout my high school and college career. That's fine. I can deal with her nagging. But why is -my- image (skinny or otherwise) so important to her?

A similar question could be asked regarding my current obsession (and yes, it is an obsession) to makeup. I love makeup. The colors. How they look on me. But at the same time, I remember a time I hated makeup, and I thought badly of the girls who wore makeup every day. I'm not talking an eyeliner and a lip gloss. I'm talking full on foundation, eyeshadow, etc. etc. But now, I wear makeup almost every day. Granted, usually it's just an eyeliner and lip gloss, and sometimes, when I'm feeling particularly depressed and want to cheer myself up, eyeshadow. So how has -my- self image changed with this?

I remember getting really pissed at Cyril at the beginning of our relationship, because he always wanted me to wear contacts, wear nicer clothing, etc. And I felt like I was just a trophy girlfriend he could tote around. But now I try to do those things too. Weird.

But I think deep down, I'm still the same Kit who runs around laughing with friends, right?

(I recently read a friend's blog, and I found it funny that even now, almost 9 years after I first started roleplaying, I still refer to myself as Kit, my online nickname. Does that mean I haven't grown up? Or is my self image still Kit? Or am I, like she said, afraid of facing myself? But who's Kit? Is she a made up character? Or is she really me?)

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